And what did you do on New Year's Eve ?
I, was left with a choice. Either attend a party with a bunch of complete strangers, or be on my own. I chose to stay on my own.
And now, you're probably wondering : "why ?" . Why someone looking for love decides to stay home at the very night the most people first meet then get into each other's pants with the most minimal time interval in both actions ? Because I had some work to do. Work on myself.
A bit of history, let me tell you where I go from. 7 or 8 years ago, I had some nervous problems which led me into panic attacks, social anxiety, and the rest. It destroyed the little social life I had by not attending any of the social conventions I was invited as, somehow, part of a group.
And last night, I needed to do that one very last time. One very final time to bury the old me. One final time of "chickening out", of loneliness while the world around me is celebrating. So that for once and for all it is over.
For finding love is not about the girl. Finding love is about you. Are you single ? If you were in the right mood, you could go out right now, chat up some random girls and with a few tries, you wouldn't be before dusk. This might sound shallow, but as the great philosopher A.Skywalker once wisely put it to his ungrateful child "Look within your heart, you know it to be true.". The ungrateful child then turned to silent fantasied incest, while the father had in its own time, fucked a princess who turned out (plot twist!) to be Natalie Portman.
I'm not sure if you heard of that story.
Anyway, how does one become attractive to girls ? By thinking he is. And by sorting out his life.
I decided that trying to get ride of my coke (the drink, you idiot) addiction was bound to fail. Coke gets me in a good mood. Good mood gets you chick. Now there are only three more things I need to stand by.
1. Do no run away from the difficulty. Be bold. Be a man. Did the Wanderer wimp away at the sight of his first colossus? (remember, part of the only good things of the 00s !) No, he didn't ! He faced through at seemingly unreachable targets and undefeatable opponens and HE FUCKING WON AGAINST SIXTEEN OF THESE. That's a real man in my book , even if he doesn't exist !
2. Look cooler. The shallow bit. I need a better set of clothes and to redecorate my appartment. I freshly moved in and there's no painting nor anything hung on the wall. This is intolerable. When a girl comes in she will think "this guy doesn't have bad tastes, he has NO taste.". And if I have no taste, how can I enjoy her, I ask you ?
3. Get things done. For real. This thing is not specially related to finding love, it's about my whole life. I've already done two geeky references in this post, but for real, Windows has messed up my brains in ways you can't even imagine. Why ? MULTITASKING. There is too much to do at the same time, too many distractions, and always a good excuse to procrastinate although you have a "serious" program running. There's always the dating website (Yes, I use those, and so does Alcibiades although he'll never want to admit it), the MSN window, the Somethingawful funny threads, the gaming website, the news website, mails, and the friggin' TV behind me. I need my focusing ability back. I need to play chess again. I owe chess the loss of my virginity (I'm letting your imagination go on this one), so maybe there's even more stuff in there for me.
Stopping all kind of autosexual stimulation is also a strong incentive to get laid "properly".
Midnight came. Morning came. I didn't feel any different. But then I remembered this.
And then, there was nothing else to add nor to think about.
I got up. I took my shower, shaved, dressed properly, and look at me in the mirror. And what I saw was pleasant.
I am here.
I am in the game.
Let the show begins, Alcibiades..
Aucun commentaire:
Enregistrer un commentaire