samedi 17 janvier 2009

Oh hey hi.

It's been a while since I last blogged. Blame me, or blame God for only putting 24 hours in a day. I am actually pretending to be working right now, and I'm having a hard time putting a very straight and serious face. If anybody asks you, I'm currently typing a very important memo.

Back to the point : your buddy Alcibiades recently asked me if I had made any progress lately.
Of course I haven't ! 2009 has not been starting as good as I wished, and I had to go through what I would call a "bunch of random setbacks" if they had not been very serious.

"No progress at all" would be actually too modest. A few things have happened, and others are changing.
First, as I said before, the important bit is not to "overcome" (or to "come over", as the most perverted among you would say) the girl, but to overcome yourself. Is this about doing sports or having a healthy life or anything ? I'm finding out this is part of it, but not the most important bit. It's just an attitude problem. If you are paranoid, the others ARE out to get to you. Realizing that life is a jungle and if you don't move your ass the meat's gonna end in someone else's mouth (innuendo intended) is the only way.

As such, earlier week, I told a girl I had met over the Internet that I liked her. And when I did, I couldn't even remember what her damn name was. Eat that, 2008's Diogenes ! And although that obviously didn't work, I learnt a valuable lesson :
When you hit on a girl on the internet, make sur her profile doesn't say "I'm engaged so stop annoying me.".

They really mean it, sometimes.

jeudi 1 janvier 2009

It's that time of the year.

It is now, once again , that time of the year where it is for the time of the year ever, a time of the year. Do you realize the 2000s are almost over ? What did you do in the 00s ? Was there anything worthwile that happened, besides the Playstation 2 ?

And what did you do on New Year's Eve ?

I, was left with a choice. Either attend a party with a bunch of complete strangers, or be on my own. I chose to stay on my own.
And now, you're probably wondering : "why ?" . Why someone looking for love decides to stay home at the very night the most people first meet then get into each other's pants with the most minimal time interval in both actions ? Because I had some work to do. Work on myself.

A bit of history, let me tell you where I go from. 7 or 8 years ago, I had some nervous problems which led me into panic attacks, social anxiety, and the rest. It destroyed the little social life I had by not attending any of the social conventions I was invited as, somehow, part of a group.

And last night, I needed to do that one very last time. One very final time to bury the old me. One final time of "chickening out", of loneliness while the world around me is celebrating. So that for once and for all it is over.
For finding love is not about the girl. Finding love is about you. Are you single ? If you were in the right mood, you could go out right now, chat up some random girls and with a few tries, you wouldn't be before dusk. This might sound shallow, but as the great philosopher A.Skywalker once wisely put it to his ungrateful child "Look within your heart, you know it to be true.". The ungrateful child then turned to silent fantasied incest, while the father had in its own time, fucked a princess who turned out (plot twist!) to be Natalie Portman.
I'm not sure if you heard of that story.

Anyway, how does one become attractive to girls ? By thinking he is. And by sorting out his life.

I decided that trying to get ride of my coke (the drink, you idiot) addiction was bound to fail. Coke gets me in a good mood. Good mood gets you chick. Now there are only three more things I need to stand by.

1. Do no run away from the difficulty. Be bold. Be a man. Did the Wanderer wimp away at the sight of his first colossus? (remember, part of the only good things of the 00s !) No, he didn't ! He faced through at seemingly unreachable targets and undefeatable opponens and HE FUCKING WON AGAINST SIXTEEN OF THESE. That's a real man in my book , even if he doesn't exist !
2. Look cooler. The shallow bit. I need a better set of clothes and to redecorate my appartment. I freshly moved in and there's no painting nor anything hung on the wall. This is intolerable. When a girl comes in she will think "this guy doesn't have bad tastes, he has NO taste.". And if I have no taste, how can I enjoy her, I ask you ?
3. Get things done. For real. This thing is not specially related to finding love, it's about my whole life. I've already done two geeky references in this post, but for real, Windows has messed up my brains in ways you can't even imagine. Why ? MULTITASKING. There is too much to do at the same time, too many distractions, and always a good excuse to procrastinate although you have a "serious" program running. There's always the dating website (Yes, I use those, and so does Alcibiades although he'll never want to admit it), the MSN window, the Somethingawful funny threads, the gaming website, the news website, mails, and the friggin' TV behind me. I need my focusing ability back. I need to play chess again. I owe chess the loss of my virginity (I'm letting your imagination go on this one), so maybe there's even more stuff in there for me.

Stopping all kind of autosexual stimulation is also a strong incentive to get laid "properly".

Midnight came. Morning came. I didn't feel any different. But then I remembered this.

And then, there was nothing else to add nor to think about.

I got up. I took my shower, shaved, dressed properly, and look at me in the mirror. And what I saw was pleasant.

I am here.

I am in the game.

Let the show begins, Alcibiades..

lundi 29 décembre 2008

My ex sucks.

My friend Alcibiades has now made his first post. So all characters are now in place. Except as of now, it's only a "male tragedy", so that's very gay. It is therefore high time for me to prove to you that I'm as straight as an arrow, and that once, I was infatuated with a woman.

The woman name is of no importance. What is important is that she is a woman, and as such can not be trusted.

We did meet on an Internet chatroom. These things are really nifty new technology, and I am quite sure "Internet chatting" is bound to become big in the following years. Back then, she was the girlfriend of my bestfriend. So the best we could do was cybersex. Then she dumped her new boyfriend for me, the guy she met on IRC. Then she dumped for a guy she met on Facebook.

It was after that that I realized that she probably made up an abortion, drug user past, and other cool things that make you look like a complicated yet interesting character.

So my ex sucks.

I now realize this was vastly uninteresting. But hey, this is a blog on the Intarweb ! Besides, I have to leave a chance to my friend Alcibiades to appear to be a more interesting character than me, by temporaly looking boring.

Still, I felt like it was necessary to tell you where I go from, right after I told you where we intend to go to. After all, things can't get any worse than they were.

It appears that I will be meeting real women tomorrow. Who knows what awaits me ?

dimanche 28 décembre 2008

I am ... introducing.

Good evening.

What you probably are thinking right now is "Hey, I just found another blog. I am starting to really get the hang of this Internet thing.". So before I start , I would like to congratulate you for your mastery and your technological prowess.

Sadly, you will quickly realize that there are more than one or two blogs out there. The word is there are currently at least DOZENS of them. So I feel it is my duty to make sure you stay and do not run to the competition. Because this blog is better, and because if we get a lot of readers,
it is very possible (though unlikely) that we get laid.

Lots of people make blogs to tell the world they just got laid, but how many do make blogs SO AS TO get laid, I ask you ? Most of them, yes. But that's beyond the point.

My name is... Just call me Diogenes. And my buddy, you will call him Alcibiades. I am French, he's South African (worry not, he's white and without AIDS). We are not here to argue upon which is better.

For some reason, Alcibiades and I couldn't help but notice that our lives appear to be connected. We got our one and only girlfriend (one for each of us, you perverted mind) at around the same time, and lost that significant other only a few weeks apart.

Many miles distance us, but one thing gets us close. Now that we did taste the pleasure of the flesh, we want to get back at those ASAP.

Finding love wouldn't be too bad either.

But who will win this new kind of "first pass the post" race ? I, the sophisticated Diogenes, or him, the ... equally sophisticated Alcibiades ? We decided it would be of your general interest that we keep you informed on our progress. We are sure you are going to enjoy the ride. Also, we would like you to send us beloved emails to support your favorite candidate.

If one of you naughty girl reader wants to cheat and have sex with one of us on the spot, please send us TWO emails.

I now leave the virtual keyboard to my buddy, Alcibiades, and I can't wait until he's giving it back to me so that I can tell you why my ex sucks. Metaphorically.